More Headline Analysis

July 23rd, 2009

EXCLUSIVE: Live pigs wounded, euthanized in troop trauma training

For breaking news on a hot, dusty afternoon, the above headline ought to bring a lot of traffic to this media's Web site.

I know many of my friends and I often discuss the fate of "live pigs". We wonder about the sanitary condition of their home — pig sties — and the care and benevolence they receive.

But this headline confused me. Unfortunately, Monk wasn't nearby to interpret it.

First what is the purpose of the adjective "Live"? I mean can you "wound" a non-live, aka "dead" pig? Or more importantly, can one euthanize a "dead" pig?

If so, will you readers who how please share those well-guarded and kept secrets with me and perhaps some other readers? There are some others out there, right?

So wounding and euthanizing pigs, remember the "enemy" are pigs and not wild boars, is suppose to be part of the trauma training for our troops? What are these — a troop of Cub Scouts or Brownies?

We're training soldiers for battle, hardening their reactions to the bloody and deathly melee, the grisly carnage to be found all about them. So pigs are a substitute? Just because biologists claim the DNA is similar and they can test new drugs on pigs, the military is now bombing and shooting them? Actually some were stabbed.

And what about "euthanize", is that "ize" for "kill"? If euthanizing is suppose to be trauma training, why not send these rookies to some animal shelters. The workers there are very disturbed that they have to work full-time reducing the world's cat and dog populations.

Anyways, don't you think the "Return of Animal Farm" or "Animal Farm: the Slaughter of the Pigs" would have been better headlines and raised fewer of these insightful questions?